


==> John: Confess

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2014-11-30
Packaged: 2018-02-23 10:24:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2544095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You had never seen him smile.</p><p>It was an odd experience to say the least. You and Karkat had known each other for what felt like forever, yet you had never seen a <em>real</em> smile grace his facial features.</p>
            </blockquote>





	==> John: Confess

You had never seen him smile.

It was an odd experience to say the least. You and Karkat had known each other for what felt like forever, yet you had never seen a  _real_ smile grace his facial features. 

Karkat's teeth shined as he chuckled. Whenever one would look at his teeth, they would think that they were unnaturally sharp. And you agreed. Most people's teeth (excluding canines) were all right angles. But Karkat's seemed to be more pointed than a normal person's. It was strange.

Most things about the boy were strange. The way he wrote in caps even though his real voice was so soft that an untrained ear wouldn't be able to pick out the words he said. Luckily, knowing him since middle school (you were now freshmen in college) your ears were now tuned in to whatever sounds he made.

Although you weren't sure that was only because of how little his voice was. 

You hadn't  _just_ started noticing the small things. 

You always noticed his shoulders would stiffen whenever he was angry.

You always noticed whenever he talked to anyone else he would never look them directly in the eye,  _unless it was you._

Karkat's habits weren't something you knowingly acknowledged, you just were always paying attention to him whether you knew it or not. It was as if your subconscious was always tuned into him. If Karkat's breath hitched, you were there to hold his hand.

There may have been multiple things about him that were strange, but there were also things about him that were so stunningly _beautiful_. 

His mastery over the English language was one of them. You swore to god that he has memorized the dictionary because that is how he talks. He could paint a world with his words and it would be the best work of art ever seen.

Freckles lightly covered his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose. His hair was a dark brown with reddish tint, and with his red eyes that made for an agonizingly _beautiful_ combination. 

He was a beautiful and strange human being.

You didn't realize you were staring at him until he asked what your fucking problem was. The response was a smile and "You're cute when you laugh." 

Your subconscious also liked to blurt things out that should not have been said under any circumstances. 

Karkat was looking at you with his head tilted back. It was almost like that sentence had gently pulled his head back 50 degrees. "I-" He pauses. "I'm not going to give you a chance to get out of this one. You just called me cute." 

The look on Karkat's face, though. That made you grin. The side of his mouth was pulled up in a knowing smirk. 

That was one of the other things he did a lot. 

So many quirks and mannerisms that you had unknowingly memorized. Was that charming, or creepy? You hoped it was charming. 

You had loved him since the second year of high-school. 

Of course, back then you had thought it was just hormones going crazy like all the adults said they would. You hid it from yourself and kept the feelings buried down, because he would never like you back, would he?

That, even now, is still a question that has not been paired with an answer. 

"So, why would you call me cute? Out of your "I'm not a homosexual" phase?" 

You roll your eyes and chuckle. In seventh grade, you said "I'm not a homosexual"  _one fucking time_ and the bastard still brings it up. "I was out out of that phase a long time ago, my grumpy friend."

He scoffs. "Oh, I know." He leans towards you, an evil somewhat-grin lying on his face. "You didn't answer the first question."

It's like he lives to make you nervous. And you can see it in his eyes that he  _knows_ what he is making you uncomfortable. The thought of him knowing your love makes you unsettled, but you also know that Karkat thinks too little of himself to ever think that someone would love him.

It is a very sad thought, that almost makes you frown, but you know it's true. Ever since you've known him, he's never had real self-esteem. You've had to help him battle depression on more than one occasion. 

You really want him to know how you feel. You want him to know that  _someone genuinely loves him_ and that at least one person isn't going to abandon him.

 "I said you're cute because I'm not a liar." You say while quirking an eyebrow. 

Karkat's face turns red and he backs away into his original place. A part of you wonders if this was a bad idea, and another part is running on adrenaline. You might just gather up the courage soon. That would be a fucking _miracle_.

People would come from around the city and eat popcorn whilst basking in the afterglow of a hopefully successful love confession.

"Karkat." You address the small human next to you. 

He turns to you; his cheeks were not flushed anymore but you could still see something akin to embarrassment in his eyes. "Yeah?"

Now. Now  _this_  is your shot. You could tell him how you feel right now, and there is nothing stopping you except your juvenile fears. But in reality they aren't juvenile, which is something that terrifies you even more.

You push the words out and through your lips as fast as they appeared into your head. "Okay, so, I might be in love with you? In fact I have been since the second year of high school and I've kind of been keeping it from you but I haven't really lied! Just kind of not telling you things which isn't lying. If you had asked me about my feelings I would've been really fucking honest with you and told you right then but I haven't yet and I need to and this is a mess of a confession - oh my god." You put your head in your hands and sighed. That was a fucking _train wreck_ and no one can tell you otherwise because they would be  _lying._

You don't look at Karkat. You don't want to see the disgust on his features as the words fully sink in. Gathering in another deep breath, you continue in a more steady tone. "I know these feelings are probably not requited, but I would still like to be friends without any awkwardness. I just needed to say that, okay?"

You close your eyes, and wait for the inevitable rejection. Of course, there is part of you that knows it is possible for him to return your feelings, but throughout the whole time you had been friends, he had never once had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. 

There were admirers of his that would gather the courage to ask him out, but he always rejected them seemingly without a second thought. 

A shuffling noise presented itself near you, and you soon felt fingers circling your wrists. They pulled your hands from your face and you opened your eyes to see that Karkat was kneeling in front of you. "Were you dropped on your head as an infant?" 

The insult was familiar, but you didn't understand what exactly he meant. 

You still didn't understand even when he kissed you, but that didn't stop you from holding his face with your hands.

Karkat's skin was so soft and you gently rubbed his cheek with your thumb. His hands left your wrists and moved to the back of your neck, pulling you closer. 

Him kissing you was probably the best thing that had ever happened. It still held the awkwardness of the first kiss between two people, but you wouldn't have asked for anything else.

He pulled away and looked you straight in the eye. "Have I not made it obvious throughout the years that I fucking love you? Were all the blatantly obvious signals that I left just lost to you?"

This... would explain a lot of things.

This would explain why he always insisted you sleep in his bed, why he never had a significant other, why he put up with _you_ and _only_ you.

You wanted to tell him all about the nights you hadn't gotten any sleep because thoughts of him were plaguing your mind. You wanted to tell him all the times you had wanted to kiss him while he was talking so passionately about his movies and whatever thing he was into at that time. You wanted to tell him about how when you would sleep near each other you always had to fight the urge to pull him into your arms and never let him go.

You wanted to tell him all these things, but you settled for "I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> I had this saved in my drafts and it was going to be automatically deleted soon so why the fuck not.


End file.
